Grosjean: “I saw death too closely”

He has to tell the story of this first lap of the 2020 Bahrain Grand Prix dozens and dozens of times. Endowed with a methodical, analytical and precise mind, Romain Grosjean always knew how to find the words. Whether to describe your sensations behind the wheel and your technical feedback. But also his feelings and his doubts.

In an ultra-competitive environment where emotions can sometimes be wrongly interpreted as admissions of weakness, the pilot Haas always stood out. No wonder then that he was able to recount in detail the experience he had last Sunday to representatives of the specialized French press this Wednesday afternoon. Because he remembers everything, starting with the touch with Daniil Kvyat (Alpha Tauri).

« I didn't know I touched Kvyat because I didn't see himhe said. I met him in the hotel earlier. I redid the scenario, I thought about it. I was pissed that I had cut off the trail at Kvyat, despite everything that happened afterwards. Why didn't I see it? In fact, he was in my blind spot from the start of the first turn until the moment of impact. I looked in my rearview mirror twice. 

I also took into account the fact that I had exited turn 2 much faster than the cars in front of me. There is debris flying from the left side. I move back to the right a little. And then given that I'm catching up with the cars in front of me, that I haven't seen anyone from the start on my right side, for me, there is no one. That's why I fall back at that moment. Well, there was Kvyat. The shock is subtle. I even wondered if it wasn't me who lost the car alone ». 

Catapulted towards the barriers at 221 km/h, Grosjean suffered a colossal impact of 53G. From the cockpit, however, he did not seem very violent, according to the person concerned, who continued to tell his story for many minutes. 

« I close my eyes, because I always close my eyes in these moments, he continued. I imagine my reflex was to let go of the steering wheel but with my left hand it didn't really work. 

I open my eyes, I undo my belt immediately, I get up. And then I type something that blocks me above. I tell myself : 'Okay, I'm on the roof, I'm stuck.' I'm not aware that it burns. I sit back in the car and tell myself I'm going to wait for someone to come help me. And then I look to the left and it's all orange. I think it's weird because it's not sunset. There is no orange light on the track and I understand that the orange color is my visor protections which are burning with the fire. The plastic burned on the visor. The helmet did not move at all. 

I tell myself : 'Well, I have to go out alone because there's no time.' The first time, I tried vertically, the second time I tried to the right, I couldn't do it. I try to the left, I can't do it. I sit down again. There I have time to think that I'm going to end up like Niki Lauda (severely burned in an accident at the 1976 German GP, ​​Editor's note) and I tell myself that it's not possible, it can't end like that. This cannot be my last Grand Prix. I think about burning, about ending up burned. I'm trying again, I'm still stuck ».

• A very strong story

Grosjean remembers having then experienced “ a slightly strange moment when I see death as close as can be seen ». 

« It's almost the body that relaxes and says to itself: it's over, he continues in a sober tone. The body relaxes and I wondered in which part it will burn first and will it hurt and there is a last one... I don't know... because I still took 53G in the head... the brain may be strong, but it is still a little dazed. 

I don't know if this moment of relaxation allowed me to regain strength, to regain my composure, to think of my children to say to myself: 'It is not possible'. My foot was stuck with the pedal, I pulled really hard to free my left foot. I remember saying to myself: I tried to the right, I tried to the top, I tried to the left, I'm going to try to turn my helmet, pass my head, turn my shoulders behind, and slipping in like that. 

At that moment, I put my hands in the fire so it burns them and I am well aware of it. I look at my gloves which are turning completely black. I know I'm burning my hands and I feel the pain. The moment the bust passes, it’s almost deliverance. I will live. My hands are burned, I know it. I go out and pass the barrier and I smell Dr. Ian (Roberts, rescue operations coordinator, Editor’s note) who pulls on his suit to get me to the other side of the barrier. 

In that moment, I know I am saved. He told me very calmly. He tells me " SIT DOWN " in English but very distinctly. I take off my gloves right away because I know my hands are burned and I don't want it to stick to my skin. And I yell at him because he spoke to me like a badger (laughs).” 

• Fear for his own

The 28 seconds he spent in hell naturally seemed much longer to him but the Frenchman was more afraid for his family, his wife, his 3 children, gathered in front of their television. Before flying to the Persian Gulf for what was to be his last 3 races in Formula 1, Grosjean had told them well “ cheering their dad on TVé,” he told us last Thursday.

Arriving at the medical center, he was able to count on the help of FIA president Jean Todt to call his wife and reassure her.

« I arrive at the medical center, there I start to feel a little stiff, surprisingly in the foot area, not in the hands area., says Grosjean again. I see Stéphane Guérin from afar and I say to him: '2 burned hands, 1 broken foot. I'm starting to shake really hard with the pain and everything. There was Jean Todt who arrived straight away and said to me: 'Give me your wife's number.' It's one of the only numbers I know by heart. I spoke to him very clearly: (he starts to speak loudly, cutting up the syllables, Editor’s note) +33, etc… There should not be any doubt. The numbers had to be clear and precise (Laughs). 

Jean was extraordinary. Marion was on the answering machine, he tried again, tried again. And then I hear him say 'Marion, it's Jean, I'm with Romain'. (Moved) I told him : 'Mosquito, it's me'. And then I heard Marion laughing before collapsing because to the outside world for 2min40 I was dead. While I was active, I was fighting. I saw death. Not up close. I saw death too closely. It's a feeling I wouldn't wish on anyone in the world. It's a crazy thing. It will change my life forever, that's for sure. You can't live through this and be the same man ». 

Grosjean has already started work with his psychologist because he expects to suffer post-traumatic shock.

• Objective Abu Dhabi

The best therapy for him would be to get back in the car at the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix. He has already apologized to his wife. But the Frenchman needs to know if he can still drive at a high level. Because he clearly did not plan to stop competing after the end of his F1 experience.

« I want to know if I can do it, what I will feel, how I will react, explains Grosjean. I can't wait without knowing, I have to do everything to try to get back in the car. If the doctors tell me it's not possible, I'll listen to them ». 

At the moment, his left side is still quite sore, he has big bruises on his shoulder, buttock, and forearm, his ankle is sore from a sprain, and his hand is always bandaged with a large bandage. 

But above all, Grosjean has a smile. That of a man who saw the sun rise Monday morning. “ For once, I'm happy to see you journalists » he started the interview in a joking tone. We too, Romain. U.S. too.